Ah, good, another rainy day. I think I’ll conjure up a few ideas and see if I can hypnotize any of you, my dear readers, with my smooth and soothing nonsense; we shall call if B’anon. (Not to be confused with that historic figure Steve Bannon, who at this writing was looking for a good lawyer.)

The president is going to round up all of Monroe County’s gardeners

The president (of my local non-profit called Save The Tomato) is going to round up all of Monroe County’s gardeners and have them tested for residual pesticides, and those who test positive will be shipped to a holding facility on top of Peter’s Mountain, or will be fed to my neighbor’s barking dog. (Friends, I sincerely urge you to go organic; we can’t afford to lose any good gardeners.)

Do you know those jets that swoop over the knobs so often and so low?

And do you know those jets that swoop over the knobs so often and so low? They are distributing invisible psychedelics in a broad swath of microscopic particles that penetrate even lead-lined raincoats, which is the true explanation for why everyone is behaving so weirdly these days.

You know, this isn’t really sounding very convincing, so let me desist and tell you a little something about myself instead.

I was around when President Truman dropped the atom bombs on Japan, when Eisenhower built the interstate system, when Kennedy was brutally murdered, when Johnson signed the civil rights act, when Nixon started the war on drugs and resigned in shame, when Ford pardoned him, when Carter invented peanut butter, when Reagan got shot, when the first Bush invaded Panama, when Clinton got away with his little sexual indiscretions; I watched the towers collapse with the second Bush, was astounded for and with President Obama, and have cringed daily for the last three and a half years, just watching the news cycles.

The presidency changes almost every four years

The presidency changed almost every four years from democrat to republican and back again. All of these men had deficiencies, were often arrogant and egotistical and were politicians, which just has baggage attached. But our system of government has kept going strong; it was never in question. I raised my children and enjoy them and their friends and my grandchildren and I am free. What worries me is that the institution that has produced this two-party system with all of its complicated ins and outs, and its endless political debates, will crumble and our democracy will fail. I don’t want to be around for what comes after that. Please vote, friends, so you can have many more years to actively complain.

Also check out Pseudo News: Our Next President. by Larry Berger

Your honorable and official grandpa, Grandpa Larry

– Larry Berger, Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper #127. October 2020. Find this column and more of Grandpa Larry’s writings at sinksgrovepress.wordpress.com.