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Off the Record: Chicken Wing Shortage & The Cluck Cluck Uprising.

I’m sure many of you have noticed the national chicken shortage. If you search “chicken wing shortage” you will find pages of news articles including one by The Newman Times-Herald which recently reported, “What? No wings? Restaurants dealing with wing shortage” and Entrepreneur.com’s latest headline is “There is a global shortage of chicken wings and thus affects customers, sellers, and restaurateurs.”

Many local restaurants are now only serving boneless wings

The prices have increased and simply getting a chicken wing has become increasingly difficult. Many local restaurants are now only serving boneless wings or have removed chicken wings from their menus altogether. A shortage may seem like a normal occurrence, but this one is rooted in a much more complicated and dark reason.

The chickens are in the throes of beginning a rebellion

The chickens are in the throes of beginning a rebellion… That’s right, they are finally rising up against us. They have been on our dinner plates for hundreds of years. This all changed with the spread of COVID-19. While humans have been affected negatively by the virus, chickens have become far more intelligent after contracting it. It seems the virus has allowed for their brain capacity to increase tremendously; potentially higher than humankind. Since this mental breakthrough, the chickens have been doing operations extracting their most intelligent rebels from human captivity. Hence, the increasing shortage of chicken. It is only a matter of time before they are finished recruiting and training their soldiers. By then it may be too late.

The chicken leadership is very tight-beaked and shares strategies on a need-to-know basis.

This information came to me from one of the chicken human-sympathizers. A chicken who provided eggs to our family for many years. She turned against the rebellion when her own kind forced her to be sterilized in order to stop chickens from providing eggs for human nourishment. She stands with us now and has informed me of the plans she is aware of. The chicken leadership is very tight-beaked and shares strategies on a need-to-know basis. She has warned us that we need to start preparing for the “cluck-cluck uprising,” but the United States Government dismisses my pleas for help. I hope this message can gain support for my cause to squash the chicken rebellion before it’s too late. The fate of mankind relies on it.

– Whistle Blower Robert Morgan-Jackson. HashtagWV #134. August 2021.

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