Pictured: The Boatmen (not teenage boys!)

1. Use a condom.

2. Keep it simple: if you fall down a well, the first thing you should hope for is somebody who knows how to get your sorry butt out of a well.

3. You cannot chase people. You will lose friends and gain friends and often have no idea why. Also, less-than-sane people are not less-than-sane all the time. You can know someone for a long time with long stretches of completely normal behavior and then one day – BAM!!! – the Crazy Bus pulls up.

4. Girls who like boys who are crappy to them cannot be reasoned with. Either run like hell, or stick it out and get what you get, but don’t complain about it. You’ve been warned.

5. Privacy and secrecy are not the same thing. You are only entitled to the first one.

6. As unfair as it might be, in most cases your reputation and the view strangers and friends have of you is WAY less fragile than that of the girl you’re making out with under the bleachers, or behind the concession stand, or wherever. When she kisses another boy, and she will, give her every reason to prefer you – starting with being nice to her. Even if you don’t wind up dating her – eventually sometime, somewhere, and to someone – she WILL talk about how awesome you are. (If you’re a jerk she’ll either say nothing, or tell everyone you’re a jerk – either way, it’s not helping you.)

7. Before you go in someplace you shouldn’t (a party, a girl’s house, etc) look at the cars parked outside. If they are vastly different than what you’re used to, you should probably go to the movies.

8. Nothing in the whole world is as powerful as doing what you say you’re gonna do. You will win the respect of anyone who appreciates this ability, and absolutely, completely astound everyone else.

9. Being really well-liked but not respected is easy. Being really respected, but not well-liked is nearly impossible.

10. Seriously. Use. A. Condom.

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