PSEUDO NEWS: RIDDLES

Hey, I’m jealous. That riddle guy on page twenty two keeps making up these cool riddles that I can’t ever figure out. So I am going to make some riddles of my own.

What happens when you take two dimes out of your pocket and put them on the dresser?  You get a pair o’ dime shift. (I’d print the answer upside down, but I can’t figure out how to do that with my computer)

What did Benedict say to Theodore when he was tired? I’m egg sauce, Ted.

When the angry father kicked the brick wall with his bare feet, what historical figure was he reminded of? Desoto. (For those of you who have forgotten, he was a Spanish explorer whose shoes were too tight)

What do you call a family of chicken farmers from Clewiston? (This is perhaps a little obscure; you have to know Florida geography) The Clew Clucks Clan.

What did the healthy dog say when he discovered that he could accomplish most any task? Nose wet.

My Dad was a famous riddler, and totally full of nonsense.  So I grew up on riddles like:

If a train was traveling south at 20mph and the wind was blowing West at 10 mph, how much did the engineer weigh?

(There never was an answer to that)

Or, what is the difference between an orange. (This one seemed to have special significance to him, because he got a certain gleam in his eye when he asked it for the umpteenth time} But to this day, I’m not certain why. My dad was as much a riddle as a riddler.

And my favorite one was: Why is a chicken when it eats? But that’s stupid because the answer was always very obvious: because it’s left leg is both the same.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t recall to you how my dad was famous for balancing stuff on his nose, making stuff disappear right in front of your eyes (like the last cookie), and tricking his children.

But alas, we’ve wasted another precious few minutes with utter nonsense. But what did you expect with a column called Pseudo News. So, I leave you now with a serious riddle that I made up in my typical, lyrical way.

And if anyone guesses it right, and emails me with the answer, I will take them out to dinner. Otherwise, I’ll post the answer in September’s hashtag.

Lew Boyle had a dog,

Now here’s my riddle game:

You see them together everywhere.

So what’s the doggie’s name?

See you around town.

– Larry Berger (salubrious7@gmail.com), HashtagWV #92. August 2017.

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