Pseudo News: Grandpa Larry’s Helpful Hints for the Elderly.

(Before we start, let us pause and bow our heads in remembrance of the late and great Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the famous Grandpa Larry will sit down at his writing desk at the very last minute and perform the astounding feat of coming up with some nonsense to help all you faithful readers clear your minds of political confusion. Dah, dah: more helpful hints.

1. The primary task of helping the elderly is, of course, determining just who is an “elderly”. Here are some questions to help you figure out if you fall into this category:

a. do you leave stuff out all night on the stove?

b. do you sometimes leave the window open after turning the heat on?

c. do you fall asleep with crackers and peanut butter in your bed?

d. do you lose your glasses, phone, wallet (or purse), and keys on a regular basis?

e. when talking to yourself do you discover that you sometimes can’t stop laughing?

f. do you have an inordinate fear of people with white coats?

g. do you fall asleep in the middle of the day, and find yourself wide awake at four in the morning?

h. at the grocery store and on otherwise normal errands, do you find yourself lecturing imaginary teenagers (and occasionally newspaper columnists)?

i. do you become irritated with the moon in the window, barking dogs, certain smells?

j. have you developed an affinity for things like Vick’s VapoRub, puddings and other comfort foods, slippers, and all manner of softness?

k. do you let stuff accumulate on the floor near the wastebasket because you are a lousy shot, and bending over is a bother?

2. If, by reading thus far, you have discerned that you are not “elderly” and don’t need any advice, you may quit reading here.

(Oh, wait! I’ve run out of space and the only advice I gave was to quit reading. Christina, what should I do now?)

That’s all right, Larry. I’ve had a couple good laughs. We love you, anyway. Faithful readers, don’t forget to check out Larry’s blogsite: sinksgrovepress.wordpress.com and look for the ad for his book of poetry somewhere in Hashtag Lewisburg.

– Larry Berger, June 2017

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Submit a Comment

[ssba]

Magical Moments & Frightening Haunts w/ Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper this October!

Magical Moments & Frightening Haunts w/ Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper this October! - Enjoy magical moments and frightening haunts w/ Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper this October 2020! At the top of most everyone’s list this month is finding magical moments, carving pumpkins with family and friends, and setting up decorations leading up to Halloween. There’s almost too much to do when fall finally rolls around including long walks […]

Local Resources

 

Stay Updated w/ HashtagWV!

Want to stay updated with the paper or thinking about advertising? Sign up today for the latest HASHTAGWV monthly newsletter!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Best Things to Do in Lewisburg, WV

Best Things to Do in Lewisburg WV! - Spending a day in Lewisburg? Here are a few of the best things to do while you’re visiting. Start your day at the Wild Bean coffee shop.  Located downtown, this cafe offers premium coffee, tea, veggie cuisine, wi-fi, entertainment, and more! The breakfast menu consisting of breakfast burritos, egg scrambles, breakfast sandwiches and granola w/ […]

"Over the last 10 years, we have tried several avenues for advertising. Beyond a doubt, our greatest return has been through HASHTAGWV. Whether it be in the HASHTAGWV print edition, or online, our customers, both locals and tourists, really do look for this media form to be in tune with what’s going on in the area and for destination shopping. Advertising with LBSPY (now HASHTAG) has unequivocally been a great asset for our business!" - Craig Miller w/ Serenity Now Outfitters. Ad rates start at just $20! Click here for MEDIA KIT  

Patrick4CMPLTshrp "Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper is the best thing that has happened in Greenbrier County since I have been here for seven years. Maybe the whole state.... a first class operation and a lot of hard work," Patrick O'Flaherty (pictured above), The Irish Pub, Lewisburg, WV
Adam DeGraff "HashtagWV always has their finger on the pulse of this community!" - Adam Degraff (pictured above), (The Weight/ The Dueling Fiddlers / Pianafiddle)

Wonder How HashtagWV Remains Free?

WONDER HOW HASHTAG LEWISBURG CITY PAPER REMAINS FREE? - Wondering how Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper gets published and distributed FREE every month in-print and online? Do we have wealthy parents or did one of us seduce a millionaire? No. Are we financed by bank loans or grant money? Nope, not that either. Until we hit it BIG in the lotto, every issue of HASHTAGWV comes […]

BEHIND HASHTAG

HASHTAG WV
P.O. Box 744
Lewisburg, West Virginia 24901
info@hashtagwv.com

TESTIMONIAL

"Here at WHEN PIGS FLY BBQ, we get the most return advertising with Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper. New customers tell us all the time how they see our ad. They then come see us!" - Mike and Kellen, owners of When Pigs Fly BBQ, Lewisburg, WV.
"Christina, Thank you so much for the cover and the ARTICLE. Your HASHTAGWV is fantastic! We hope to grow this ride and other sports events in our area. Your magazine will do this. Again thank you from everyone in the GVBike club. Come ride with us sometime." - Janice Centa

WE ARE YOUR SOURCE!

Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper is a free, full color arts and entertainment tabloid dedicated to providing useful information in the areas of Greenbrier County, Pocahontas County, parts of Alleghany County, and more. We distribute 7,000, full color issues every month.

WE ARE ENGAGED!

We are engaged in promoting local music, arts, events, dining, and shopping. We reach our audience where they live, eat, shop, drink, play, and fill up their gas tank. BEHIND HASHTAG