Pseudo News: Grandpa Larry’s Helpful Hints.

And now, here are this month’s helpful hints from Grandpa Larry.

1. Get busy! Stuff accumulates on the bodies of people who remain in the same position for too long. If you don’t believe me, just go out into your yard and look at the rocks on the north facing hill. There is moss. I am sure of it. If there is no moss on your north facing hill, then you are lost in an anomaly, and you may be able to diffuse this friendly advice. But whatever it is you have left behind, be sure that as you slow down, it is catching up. Motion is the chief negotiator of the universe. Be a part of it!

2. Slow down! Motion has no restriction. The faster you go, the behinder you get, as the old saw goes. If you were captured by time lapse photography, what would your image be? It may be that you have bought an illegitimate time card. Check the warranty. You can go back and have your time renewed and therefore become at least reasonably stable.

3. Eat your mistakes! There is nothing surer in this life than mistakes. We all make them. Some of us are better at coping with them than others. But the continual refusal to acknowledge just what a total jerk you are is actually just time consuming. Why not turn your life over to a higher power and relax? Forgiveness is the key word here.

4. Go find someone! People are usually receptive to a winsome inquiry as to what they think of the current weather. Try not to discuss politics or religion. You could be bludgeoned by a raving democrat. Or overcome by an overeager evangelical. Or totally convinced by a rigorous, righteous republican. In these cases the best response is to pretend you don’t speak the language. Make signs. Point to your mouth. Grunt. But keep that winning smile and insist.

5. Ignore these ideas! They are pure nonsense, aren’t they? Well, most of what you are hearing these days is. But there are sure things, things which are promising and have endured. We call them timely classics. In literature and in movies, things that move people to compassion, understanding and love. Go to the library and look for these things and take the time to enjoy them. Engaging them has the ability to make you both serene and happy.

Did you know? Larry wrote a book called “Longing” Look for his ad promoting the book in this issue of Hashtag Lewisburg! You can also read more of Larry’s Pseudo News column here at

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