Pseudo News: Being Frank & Voting. by Larry Berger

Larry Berger, Sinks Grove Correspondent for LBSPY

Ah, November, a month of intense anticipation. Our nation is trembling on the verge of who knows what. And right smack dab at the very beginning of it all, your favorite Sinks Grove correspondent is celebrating his three quarter century birthday. Originally, there was a big party planned on the homestead but a couple of complications occurred. My neighbor has blessed me with an open ruptured septic field, befouling the air in my yard, and I cracked a couple of ribs when I slipped off the rock wall trying to finish my front porch. So I’ve decided to just turn around and go the other way; I was getting too darned old anyway. Now, as I begin the rapid descent back through a few childhoods, let’s get on with the news headlines.

A new mouse has shown up in my kitchen and instead of running under the refrigerator, he comes to the edge of the counter and stares at me, like, who the heck are you? When I stared back, laughing, he ran around behind the toaster oven and then peeked out from underneath, looking cute and curious. I named him Frank. I’m not sure what to do with him. I’ve been feeding him. He likes pumpkin seeds. They are a natural antidepressant but I hope they won’t make him any bolder. He refuses to run out on the knife handle baited with peanut butter and tumble into the garbage can like the other dozen or so have. (I then expatriate them to an abandoned Pickaway barn.) I have a few other compassionate mousetraps in the plans.

My neighbor, Homer, taught me that trick. You can find his story in my Pseudo News archives at, and click on Farmer Invents Better Mousetrap. Homer showed up at my back door again with his hat in his hand. I asked him what the matter was. He said, “I don’t think I can vote for the Donald anymore. He’s just actin’ a little too nuts, and he’s already whining about losing and crying ‘unfair’. So, I’m just not going to vote.”

I pulled Homer into the kitchen for tea again. I told him, “When things get confusing, you can’t just pull into your shell and give up. You have to take your best shot and then be faithful with the outcome.” Homer glanced upwards.

“Yeah, there’s someone up there,” I assured Homer, “and He’s bigger than the Donald or Hillary’s entourage or all the European bankers combined. Hey, I just thought up a good campaign slogan: POWERS GREATER THAN OURS. Too late for bumper stickers, though.” I hiked a thumb toward the mystical domain just on the other side of everything. “He’s in charge. C’mon, I’ll go with you. We’re going to vote.”

My illustrious editor, Christina, and I are planning a Meet The Columnists event, Thursday, March 9th at the Asylum. We want to say thank you for reading our favorite magazine, the Hashtag Lewisburg. Watch for further news as the date approaches.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Submit a Comment


What Would the Quarantined Bunny Drink? w/ Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper this April!

What Would the Quarantined Bunny Drink w/ Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper - This April, what would the quarantined Easter bunny drink? Vodka, rum, tequila, brews? Find out with Robert Aquilino here. The impact of COVID-19 continues to affect us all in unprecedented ways. Along with fun/engaging content this month, we have included helpful information about the Paycheck Protection Loan Program for small businesses. In this issue, Grandpa […]


Stay Updated w/ HashtagWV!

Want to stay updated with the paper or thinking about advertising? Sign up today for the latest HASHTAGWV monthly newsletter!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Best Things to Do in Lewisburg, WV

Best Things to Do in Lewisburg WV! - Spending a day in Lewisburg? Here are a few of the best things to do while you’re visiting. Start your day at the Wild Bean coffee shop.  Located downtown, this cafe offers premium coffee, tea, veggie cuisine, wi-fi, entertainment, and more! The breakfast menu consisting of breakfast burritos, egg scrambles, breakfast sandwiches and granola w/ […]

"Over the last 10 years, we have tried several avenues for advertising. Beyond a doubt, our greatest return has been through HASHTAGWV. Whether it be in the HASHTAGWV print edition, or online, our customers, both locals and tourists, really do look for this media form to be in tune with what’s going on in the area and for destination shopping. Advertising with LBSPY (now HASHTAG) has unequivocally been a great asset for our business!" - Craig Miller w/ Serenity Now Outfitters. Ad rates start at just $20! Click here for MEDIA KIT  

Patrick4CMPLTshrp "LBSPY is the best thing that has happened in Greenbrier County since I have been here for seven years. Maybe the whole state.... a first class operation and a lot of hard work," Patrick O'Flaherty (pictured above), The Irish Pub, Lewisburg, WV

Donating = Loving

HashtagWV remains D.I.Y. in nature and it takes hundreds of hours a month to research and write, and thousands of dollars to sustain. If you find any joy and value in it, please consider making a one time or recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of coffee at The Wild Bean and a good dinner at Food & Friends
Adam DeGraff "LB Spy always has their finger on the pulse of this community!" - Adam Degraff (pictured above), (The Weight/ The Dueling Fiddlers / Pianafiddle)


Instagram has returned invalid data.

Follow Us!


Wonder How HashtagWV Remains Free?

WONDER HOW HASHTAG LEWISBURG CITY PAPER REMAINS FREE? - Wondering how Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper gets published and distributed FREE every month in-print and online? Do we have wealthy parents or did one of us seduce a millionaire? No. Are we financed by bank loans or grant money? Nope, not that either. Until we hit it BIG in the lotto, every issue of HASHTAGWV comes […]


P.O. Box 744
Lewisburg, West Virginia 24901


"Here at WHEN PIGS FLY BBQ, we get the most return advertising with LBSPY. New customers tell us all the time how they see our ad. They then come see us!" - Mike and Kellen, owners of When Pigs Fly BBQ, Lewisburg, WV.
"Christina, Thank you so much for the cover and the ARTICLE. Your LBSPY is fantastic! We hope to grow this ride and other sports events in our area. Your magazine will do this. Again thank you from everyone in the GVBike club. Come ride with us sometime." - Janice Centa


LBSPY is a free, full color arts and entertainment tabloid dedicated to providing useful information in the areas of Greenbrier County, Pocahontas County, parts of Alleghany County, and more. We distribute 7,000, full color issues every month.


We are engaged in promoting local music, arts, events, dining, and shopping. We reach our audience where they live, eat, shop, drink, play, and fill up their gas tank. BEHIND THE SPY


"LBSPY is the best thing that has happened in Greenbrier County since I have been here for seven years. Maybe the whole state.... a first class operation and a lot of hard work," Patrick O'Flaherty, owner @ The Irish Pub