West Virginia's #1 Source for Food, Music, Shopping, Theatre, and Events!

SARCASTICALLY SINCERE: RED LIGHT MUSINGS. BY MATTHAN JACKSON

stick family

I’ve always enjoyed driving, but having lived in Pittsburgh, Lewisburg, and everywhere in between, being stuck in traffic is a dismal part of life. Here are a few observations I’ve made about my gridlocked fellow travelers.

The Nose Picker: To the gentleman in the SUV probing the inner recesses of your nostrils: I want to believe that yours is an act of defiance, an ironic commentary on not being swayed by conformity and social norms. If that’s not the case, then yes, we can see you. It’s a glass window, buddy.

Dude in the Middle: What is it with 16-21 year old bros driving with their left hand and leaning as far as possible to the middle of the dashboard? To my knowledge, Mommy’s Corolla doesn’t have center mount gauges, so it must be some type of machismo posturing. After seeing this a few times, I thought there must be a high prevalence of scoliosis in the area….or they were really constipated.

Stick Figure Family: Yes lady, you have three screaming kids and a dog in the ol’ minivan. Wanna know how I was able to ascertain that? Perhaps it’s because you have three screaming kids and a dog sticking their heads out of the windows. Still, maybe you should put a stick figure family graphic on yourrear window just in case we missed it.

Loud Music Girl: She’s at nearly every intersection and college campus in the country; a potent combination of youthful exuberance and exquisite bad taste. While I appreciate her thoughtful gesture of sharing music at decibel levels equivalent to a space shuttle launch, I already have a radio and it works just fine.

VAN1TY PL8TES: Wow, vanity plates are gr8! How else could one convey that they are 2HOT4U, driving an 05 STANG or that it’s TARASCAR. We get it,you’re a DUFU5.

**Notable exception: To the owner of the C6 Corvette with the “FARMUSE” plate, I salute you good sir for your awesomeness

– Matthan Jackson, LBSPY #51. (March 10-April 7, 2014)
Image source: stickfiguresclipart.com

LBSPYWRITERMATTHAN

Publisher/Editor in Chief at HashtagWV | + posts

HASHTAGWV ART & ENTERTAINMENT Publisher/Editor-in-Chief, Christina Entenmann-Edwards has been a WV resident since September 2008. She was born and raised in Fairfield County, Connecticut, and is no stranger to hard work and the entrepreneurial spirit. In 2006, she graduated from Quinnipiac University (Hamden, Connecticut), Cum Laude, with a B.A. in History. In 2010, she graduated with an M.B.A. from Liberty University (Lynchburg, Virginia). In February 2012, Christina launched HashtagWV as the area’s first full-color, free arts and entertainment tabloid + online platform. Christina completed the Leadership West Virginia class of 2021, which is an innovative program that grows, engages, and mobilizes leaders to ignite a life passion to move West Virginia forward.

Get the Dish on the Dish Cafe w/ HashtagWV this April!

This month, get the dish on the Dish Cafe in Daniels (Raleigh County) w/ HashtagWV! The restaurant is celebrating its ninth anniversary this month and …

Read More →