The holiday season is here and with it comes the annual inundation of Christmas music. It’s a great time of the year, but scattered amongst our holiday favorites are those irritating songs which don’t inspire a lot of goodwill (Unless you work in retail, and then you dislike them all after a few shifts).
Here is my top 5 list of the most annoying Christmas songs:
5. Jingle Bells. The simple refrain to this insipid snow song is the Christmas version of the Jaws theme; whenever you hear it, you know small children and your alcoholic family are somewhere ominously close.
4. Sleigh Ride. This is just Jingle Bells’ evil little brother. What is it with people and sleighs? Seriously, I’ve been on a few sleigh rides and have never felt compelled to write multiple songs about the experience.
3. Last Christmas. This song has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. Substitute other holidays or even the days of the week and it still works. Try it yourself.
2. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Summary: Rudolph is mercilessly bullied by the other reindeer for having a red nose until he is able to do them a favor. What a wonderful holiday message.
Oh, and what was Santa doing while all this was going on? (See below)
1. Santa Baby. So, you’re using chimney double entendres to seduce Santa Claus into being your sugar daddy? Not cool, lady, not cool
– Matthan Jackson, LBSPY #48 (Dec 16-Jan 13, 2014).