Larry Berger Archive

Life Unhinged: Grandpa Larry’s Helpful Hotline

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Life Unhinged

There are no strings attached to my guitar anymore, I’ve lost the bowl I used to puke in; I cannot find the settings on my computer that allow me to watch what I want to; and I had to close the front door so someone wouldn’t hear me and my frustrated rantings. But it is […]

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Life Unhinged: A Spoon, a Flashlight, and a Lighter. by Larry Berger

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Life Unhinged

I woke up groggy from an unintentional afternoon nap on the living room couch and stumbled into the bathroom to relieve myself. On the way out, I weighed myself on my digital scale. It said, 180.0. I can never seem to get down into the 170’s. Later, after attending a dinner party, with cocktails, beer, […]

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PSEUDO NEWS: SHOP LOCAL, IT’S WHAT WE GOT.

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

I wandered into beautiful downtown Ronceverte and down the hill by the Baptist Church, hung a left and stopped at Martin & Jones Hardware. People milling around. Conversations. I waited. When my neighbor saw me, he smiled brightly. Eventually, my turn came. “I’m looking for some bolts,” I told old Mr. Boneyface. Boneyface is a […]

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PSEUDO NEWS: THIS COLUMN IS FOR THE BIRDS.

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

I love the songs the birds sing. And since I don’t know them by their names like my neighbor, John, who can spot a yellow breasted whatever driving along at fifty miles an hour, I name them by their sounds. There’s Cheeber Cheeber, and Jimmy Jimmy, and the Bird Of Encouragement, who sings, “w’need ya, […]

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Pseudo News: Notes from the Underground

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

And now, I am compelled to report some very interesting news from underground sources you can only hear from my basement hideaway. Precious precedents predicted or performed, or improperly propelled by presidents precede properly prepared proposals by program packing political pundits. Who remembers Alfred E. Neuman? What, me worry? Silence bounces off the uninsulated walls. […]

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PSEUDO NEWS: RIDDLES

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Nonsense, Pseudo News

Hey, I’m jealous. That riddle guy on page twenty two keeps making up these cool riddles that I can’t ever figure out. So I am going to make some riddles of my own. What happens when you take two dimes out of your pocket and put them on the dresser?  You get a pair o’ […]

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Pseudo News: Grandpa Larry’s Helpful Hints for Bachelors

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

Of course, it would seem the first advice a man with seven children and twelve grandchildren would give to a bachelor is to go out and find yourself a wife. But I am sitting here imagining the hundreds of times in the coming decades that my friendly readers might be out in the yard yelling, […]

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Pseudo News: Grandpa Larry’s Helpful Hints for the Elderly.

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

(Before we start, let us pause and bow our heads in remembrance of the late and great Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus) And now, ladies and gentlemen, the famous Grandpa Larry will sit down at his writing desk at the very last minute and perform the astounding feat of coming up with some nonsense […]

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Pseudo News: Grandpa Larry’s Amazing & Famous Grandchildren

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

Gloat! Gloat! Behold the proud grandfather with a picture of all his grandchildren. Just look at that fine bunch of grandbrats. That little guy on the left was actually no bigger than a tractor seat just a short while ago. And that silly girl in the front row is a superhero with powers and gifts […]

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Pseudo News: Grandpa Larry’s Helpful Hints.

By: LBSPY / Category: Blog, Larry Berger, Pseudo News

And now, here are this month’s helpful hints from Grandpa Larry. 1. Get busy! Stuff accumulates on the bodies of people who remain in the same position for too long. If you don’t believe me, just go out into your yard and look at the rocks on the north facing hill. There is moss. I […]

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Take Food to a Higher Altitude w/ Hashtag Lewisburg!

Take Food to a Higher Altitude w/ Hashtag Lewisburg WV this April! - This April, take food to a higher altitude with Hashtag Lewisburg! This month, we feature one of Lewisburg’s newest restaurants, Landings, a farm-to-table experience located at Greenbrier Valley Airport. This issue also features Bennett Wales & The Relief, Greenbrier Valley Brewing Company’s 3-year anniversary celebration, the Legendary 12th Lewisburg Chocolate Festival, a Patsy Cline Tribute, […]

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Wonder How HashtagWV Remains Free?

WONDER HOW LBSPY REMAINS FREE? - Wondering how LBSPY gets published and distributed FREE every 2 weeks in print and online? Do we have wealthy parents or did one of us seduce a millionaire? No. Are we financed by bank loans or grant money? Nope, not that either. Until we hit it BIG in the lotto, every issue of LBSPY comes […]