Halfbaked N’ Bothered: Slime & Punishment

Punishment is a harsh and cruel word that evokes images of shackles, guillotines and mouthfuls of soap. Certainly a word not to be used in the system which educates our cherished children. And it isn’t. Today it’s all about the reward. Of course if you don’t qualify for the reward it sort of feels like you’ve been punished but the irony of that gets lost in the whirl of pizza parties, movies and extra recesses.

At the school where I work, the reward for the month of December was slime. Slime, for those readers who are not Ghostbusters literate is a substance somewhere between jello and silly putty and kids love to fiddle with it. We assembled in the gym for the awards ceremony where the names of the bestowed were read. Then we witnessed the walk of shame where those hapless tantrum throwers and bad word repeaters left with the guidance counselor for “intervention”. It was then announced that the rest of the kids would return to their classrooms to make slime. At this announcement a deafening gasp of pure joy arose tantamount to a Price Is Right contestant being told they had just won a trip to Tahiti, a Lamborghini, and a Samsonite ditty bag.

I had been informed the night before via e-mail that I had been promoted from Slime Assistant to Leader of a Slime Activity. Not sure exactly what slime constituted and certainly never having made it I began to grow anxious. Being an art teacher I happened to have the ingredients in my store room, glue, liquid starch, and food color so that morning I made a small test batch. The result, which my students informed me was the right consistency, looked like a fast food jellyfish patty. Fears assuaged.
I got this.

Sixteen third graders arrived in my room for their half hour of not-rocket-science with delirious anticipation. I read the directions aloud. Step one. Pour 1⁄2 gallon of glue into the bowl provided. Done.

Whee! So easy. Step two. Pour 1/2 gallon of liquid starch into the bowl. But crap. The bowl provided is already full from the glue. I sent a runner to find a replacement container. Our allotted 1/2 hour is ticking away and I can see that this setback is starting to fray the nerves of the children who were promised a wee plastic bag- o-slime to take home. Finally a suitable tub arrived. Glue transferred. Starch poured. Happy aqua food coloring added. Now stir. The spoon provided turned out to be a plastic one better suited to stirring weak tea than cartoonish molten lava.

Tic. Tic goes our half hour.

“Well kids, I think we are just going to have to work this with our hands.” I didn’t precisely mean that all 16 should immediately push and shove and thrust their hands into the gelatinous gunk but that’s what happened. It’s at this point that I need to explain something that I found out in retrospect. The event organizers did not realize that the glue provided needed to be white glue not clear glue for the formation of the desired jiggly breast implant inspired hillock. While some stations got white glue and made awesome slime, guess which kind I received? It never solidified.

So all 16 hand stirrers now have this syrupy ooze running down their arms onto the table, onto their shoes, onto the floor and chaos ensues as they jockey for position at the one sink to scrub their hands and in some cases their hair while others in denial that this is a total train wreck try in vain to stuff their wee bag with dripping slop. Meanwhile the usually calm and sweet janitor comes by, witnesses the Slimeageddon and veins the size of bridge cables pop out on his forehead and neck.

One child had the audacity to start welling up with tears when she realized there was no way in hell she’d be allowed on a bus with her sticky baggie of dribble. I’m on my hands and knees with a spackle knife trying to scrape up ectoplasm so I said if anyone was going to cry it was going to be me. I might even have used the phrase “freaking disaster” which is definitely a No No around children. So next month for this transgression, I’ll miss the reward and take the punishment. What a relief.

– Margaret Baker, HashtagWV #110. February 2019.

Submit a Comment


Back to the Music w/ Lewisburg City Paper this September!

Back into the Music w/ HashtagWV this September! - It’s back to the music w/ Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper this September. Susanna Robinson features Warner Music School: from humble beginnings to true love and more.  Other big stories include Wild Cuisine at the West Virginia Roadkill Cookoff, Freshwater Folk Festival, an interview with Carlene Carter, Highway Queen by Jason Scott, and so much more! […]

Stay Updated w/ HashtagWV!

Want to stay updated with the paper or thinking about advertising? Sign up today for the latest HASHTAGWV monthly newsletter!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Best Things to Do in Lewisburg, WV

Best Things to Do in Lewisburg WV! - Spending a day in Lewisburg? Here are a few of the best things to do while you’re visiting. Start your day at the Wild Bean coffee shop.  Located downtown, this cafe offers premium coffee, tea, veggie cuisine, wi-fi, entertainment, and more! The breakfast menu consisting of breakfast burritos, egg scrambles, breakfast sandwiches and granola w/ […]

"Over the last 10 years, we have tried several avenues for advertising. Beyond a doubt, our greatest return has been through HASHTAGWV. Whether it be in the HASHTAGWV print edition, or online, our customers, both locals and tourists, really do look for this media form to be in tune with what’s going on in the area and for destination shopping. Advertising with LBSPY (now HASHTAG) has unequivocally been a great asset for our business!" - Craig Miller w/ Serenity Now Outfitters. Ad rates start at just $20! Click here for MEDIA KIT  

Patrick4CMPLTshrp "LBSPY is the best thing that has happened in Greenbrier County since I have been here for seven years. Maybe the whole state.... a first class operation and a lot of hard work," Patrick O'Flaherty (pictured above), The Irish Pub, Lewisburg, WV

Donating = Loving

HashtagWV remains D.I.Y. in nature and it takes hundreds of hours a month to research and write, and thousands of dollars to sustain. If you find any joy and value in it, please consider making a one time or recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of coffee at The Wild Bean and a good dinner at Food & Friends
Adam DeGraff "LB Spy always has their finger on the pulse of this community!" - Adam Degraff (pictured above), (The Weight/ The Dueling Fiddlers / Pianafiddle)


Instagram has returned invalid data.

Follow Us!


Wonder How HashtagWV Remains Free?

WONDER HOW HASHTAG LEWISBURG CITY PAPER REMAINS FREE? - Wondering how Hashtag Lewisburg City Paper gets published and distributed FREE every month in-print and online? Do we have wealthy parents or did one of us seduce a millionaire? No. Are we financed by bank loans or grant money? Nope, not that either. Until we hit it BIG in the lotto, every issue of HASHTAGWV comes […]


P.O. Box 744
Lewisburg, West Virginia 24901


"Here at WHEN PIGS FLY BBQ, we get the most return advertising with LBSPY. New customers tell us all the time how they see our ad. They then come see us!" - Mike and Kellen, owners of When Pigs Fly BBQ, Lewisburg, WV.
"Christina, Thank you so much for the cover and the ARTICLE. Your LBSPY is fantastic! We hope to grow this ride and other sports events in our area. Your magazine will do this. Again thank you from everyone in the GVBike club. Come ride with us sometime." - Janice Centa


LBSPY is a free, full color arts and entertainment tabloid dedicated to providing useful information in the areas of Greenbrier County, Pocahontas County, parts of Alleghany County, and more. We distribute 7,000, full color issues every month.


We are engaged in promoting local music, arts, events, dining, and shopping. We reach our audience where they live, eat, shop, drink, play, and fill up their gas tank. BEHIND THE SPY


"LBSPY is the best thing that has happened in Greenbrier County since I have been here for seven years. Maybe the whole state.... a first class operation and a lot of hard work," Patrick O'Flaherty, owner @ The Irish Pub